I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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