just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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