Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
