My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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