hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
