All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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