Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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