Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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