bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
