After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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