quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize