Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
