He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
