At least make sure they are 18
Why
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
