If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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