Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
