I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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