I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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