Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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