Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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