respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
