Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
