I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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