T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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