It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
