after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
