How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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