DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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