your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
