Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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