That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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