You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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