oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
