I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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