just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
