So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my poor anus
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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