Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
