my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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