If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
