At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize