Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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