Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
