dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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