just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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