a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
