You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
