He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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