between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize