I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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