the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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