Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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