My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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