nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
