Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
