Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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