I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
