what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fuck appropriateness.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize